


Skinny Love

by field_of_daisies



Category: Mystic Messenger
Genre: Anger, Angst, Cheating, Dog - Freeform, F/M, Family, Happy Ending, Loneliness, Mystic Messenger - Freeform, Relationship Problems, Sad, husband, jumin han - Freeform, married, skinny love, son - Freeform, tho, wife - Freeform, zen - Freeform, zenny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 12:38:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8578849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/field_of_daisies/pseuds/field_of_daisies
Summary: You begin to feel bitterness consume your heart as the love of your life, Zen, slowly drifts away from you due to work. Blinded by loneliness, you fall into infidelity. That of which destroys who you loved the most.





	1. Meeting your Sin

You don't really know when it started. At the beginning of you relationship with Zen, there was never a moment in which you felt loneliness or rejection of any sort. You had been dating him for almost 3 years and the loving phase you both had, never ended. Over the years, he got increasingly popular, his acting skills luring in numerous agencies. You felt proud of him and you both would celebrate at the home you shared. He had quit smoking, drank less, and managed a healthy lifestyle despite the amount of work being loaded on him. And that was the problem, his work load increased. He was no longer at home much and when he was, he was too tired to really hold a decent conversation, or indulge in each other. 

You tried being understanding at first, you didn't want to burden him now that he was finally getting the spotlight he so much deserved; but you felt a pang of loneliness that you had never felt before. You loved him and he loved you back just as much. He was an affectionate person, never failed to make you feel worthless. So when you finally started getting fed up with coming home to an empty house more than once a week, you figured you needed to talk with him. Just a little bit. Just to know what his schedule was going to look like if this persisted any longer. 

It was a Thursday evening, when Zen finally arrived home from work, tired per usual. He didn't even manage to say "I'm home" as he stepped inside the apartment. He set his jacket down on the sofa and sat down, letting out a heavy sigh as he leaned his head back to rest. 

"Welcome home love, I didn't here you come in," you quietly say, as you didn't want to annoy him with any loud noise. You had come from the bedroom, you were folding laundry you had finished drying earlier in the day. 

"Mmph," muttered Zen as he sat on the sofa with his eyes closed. This had become a daily routine and you felt bitterness whenever he never gave you a decent reply. 

"Do you want dinner? I made your favorite, ah! And I also got some of those fish shaped bread filled with bean paste," you excitedly say, hoping that would lift his mood up even just a little. 

"Later..." Zen sighs as he gets up to go change into more comfortable clothing. 

"Ah, I see..." you say, looking down contemplating whether to continue or not, "how was work?" You ask, deciding it wouldn't kill you to try to talk to your lover. 

"Same as usual, busy," Zen replies monotonously as he pulls the covers off the bed, snuggling in to sleep. 

"Are you going to sleep already? It's only 6 pm....I know you're tired but, you should eat first don't you think?" You say hesitantly. 

"M/C, I'm tired okay? I just, want to sleep right now. I'm sorry babe, it's just that work is tiring and I want to replenish myself before work tomorrow morning" Zen says, trying his best to sound kind. And he was being sincere, you knew he was, he just wasn't himself quite fully when he was tired. But he had always made the effort to spoil you, or even pay attention to you slightly. But he wasn't now. And that frightened you, as you thought maybe you were beginning to become a burden. 

"Oh...I see. Sorry Zen, I just, yeah okay I'll let you rest now. Goodnight love," you say as you walk out the bedroom and close the door behind you. 

Well shit. You missed your chance to tell him what you were feeling. Come one M/C, you thought to yourself, you have to talk with him. You can't let this go, you have to save your sacred relationship...... Sacred? Psh yeah right, it's been how many weeks since you've last had sex? Since you've last cuddled? Or even held an A & B conversation? Person C wasn't even a problem! It was the fact that it was more of an A conversation with B nowhere to be found bc Zen would be too busy spacing out or just not even bothering to listen. 

Okay okay, just ask in the morning before he goes to work, you tell yourself. For now, I'll just go watch tv in the living room or something. 

You make your way to the couch as you turn on the tv, flipping through the channels, stopping on what appears to be a movie Zen starred in. You lay down, watching your lover act a role as a villain; you begin to slowly close your eyes, and drift off to sleep, dreaming of Zen. 

__________________________________________________

"M/C...M/C wake up," Zen says to you as he shakes your shoulders slightly. His voice sounds distant and almost muted, as you get up, groggy and not completely awake yet. 

"You'll catch a cold if you sleep here, go back into the bedroom," he continues as he fixes his tie around his neck. 

"Wait...what time is it?" You ask as you rub your eyes, yawning, almost fully awake by now. 

"7:30 am, I'm leaving for work soon," he reminds you as he puts his shoes on. 

"Wait! I've been meaning to talk to you about something...." you start, hoping he'll spare you just 5 minutes at most. 

Zen sighs, "what is it? I have to get to work babe, can't it wait till later when I get home?" 

"That's the thing, sometimes you don't even come home till 1 am or if you come home earlier, you go straight to bed. We don't talk anymore, so I figured I might as well speak now," you say, hoping he'll attempt to hear you out. 

"Hey, I can't help it if I'm busy with work, besides, you've always been supportive. What's up now?" Zen says in a curious tone, raising an eyebrow while looking at you. 

"It's just, we don't even talk anymore. I miss our talks. I know you're busy and all im asking for is for the privilege to talk to you for even 5 minutes at most whenever you come home. But you either ignore me or space out. We don't cuddle anymore, hug, kiss, hell Zen, we haven't had sex in over 1 month. Comparing that to before....we've gone from 3 times a day to nothing at all. Jesus, Zen, I love you and I support your acting career, but I want to know why you're doing so much when you know it's stressing you. I notice okay? I notice you come home with bags under your eyes, you've lost weight, and you're jittery from all the coffee you take just to stay awake. You don't joke around anymore, you don't even comment on how handsome you are. Maybe you should just have them lower your work load, then you'll have enough time to rest and....some time for me..." you say, not having the courage to look up as you practically spilled out everything in the not so best way. 

"Seriously? Do you think I can't handle it? Wow so much for being supportive. I know what I can take and what I can't. I'm living my dream of acting M/C, why are you being so negative? I love you and you know that, so why are you asking for more? I'm at the point where, I'm getting recognized; if I fail now, everything I've worked for will disappear," Zen replies back, looking a bit impatient now. 

"And what about me? Everything we've ever worked for is disappearing too....Zen, I'm lonely, and I only want to be able to be with you the way we used to. I, i want to be able to have fun like we used to; not give a care at all about what the next day would bring as long as we were together..." you quietly say as you look down to your feet, not wanting to meet his gaze. 

"Fun? I'm having fun at work. Look, M/C, I know we haven't been spending much time together, but please understand that I can't deal with this right now. I've got deadlines, rehearsals, meetings, it's the price we have to pay for this," Zen says as he starts walking to the door. 

"Zen...please! All I ask is for your attention for a minimum of 5 minutes. Whether it be hugging or kissing or talking or hell even a quick round of sex-" you start saying until you're interrupted. 

"Sex? Wait, don't tell me this is all because we haven't had sex lately? Aha, seriously? What are you now, a sex crazed addict or something?" Zen says, letting out a rather disappointed sigh. 

"What? I won't lie, yes I enjoyed our sexual life and miss it, but that's not the whole point. What I'm saying is that I miss us, Zen. I miss our time together. It's almost as if you're dating your cast mates or manager," you let out, feeling anger bubble inside you. 

"What....look. I love you M/C, with all my being but why can't you be more understanding? It's hard for me too okay?" 

"Yeah well it sure doesn't look like it," you let out in a cold tone, staring at him in the eye now, hoping he'll get the point. 

"Jesus christ M/C, just stop. Get yourself together and grow up. Clearly you don't understand what it's like being in my position. I have to get to work. I already said I'll dedicate some time with you once I finish all the important parts of filming and so forth. So just wait. Really, why can't you understand that..." Zen says in an annoyed voice, grabbing his work items. 

"Understand? Are you kidding me? Zen, I want to but you won't let me! I want you. I want to help you but you push yourself away. It's hard for me too. I've grown so dependent on your existence in my life, not being there for me is hurtful you know?"

"God just stop okay? I already said that I'll find some time for you; you already know I love you, let that keep you energized till I find some time for a break. God, please let's just stop." Zen groans out, clearly growing impatient and losing his temper. 

"Zen....fucking....am I burden to you?" You yell as he begins walking out the door, you pull his arm back, so he'll face you. 

"Yes! Okay? God damn, I have to go," he yells back and slams the door in your face, leaving you in complete shock. 

You stand there, staring at the door, tears forming around your eyes, mouth slightly open as you process the words just said to you. A burden? And I really that much of a hinderance? 

You walk back slowly to the couch and plop yourself down. Your thoughts betraying you as the negative ideas start rolling in. Maybe he found some actress he took a liking to? Or thought it was easier to have a fling with someone on set with him? No. he wouldn't. He loved you. Didn't he? 

You don't know how long you had been sitting there until you look up at the clock and see it was already 9:30 am. You were late for work. 

You quickly got up and put on your uniform, heading out the door, Zens words still in your head. 

You worked at a cafe, a couple of blocks from your apartment. It was near the business buildings, so business men were not a rare sight. As you arrived, you saw a frequent customer be seated near the window. You recall him saying his name was Mark; he was half Korean and half American and was on his second year of living in Korea. When you first attended him, he barely spoke any Korean, but now, he was fluent. And you were undoubtedly his favorite waitress. 

"M/C! Your customer is waiting," your co worker whispers as she points to Mark. 

You sigh, "alright im going." 

Mark had become accustomed to you, as you were kind and helped him learn new words. That was all it was. Just gratefulness for you. You thought so until today. 

"Ah M/C! I'm so glad to see you again!" Mark exclaimed, smiling from ear to ear upon seeing you approach him. 

"Yep. I sort of work here," you let out in a slightly annoyed voice. Clearly, you were still hurt from zens words earlier and couldn't think of anything else. 

"Are you okay? You don't seem well," Mark says as he glances at you with a worried look. 

"I'm fine, i'm sorry. I just, lack of sleep," you make up as you grab your notepad and a pen from your pocket to take his order. 

"I'll have the usual. Oh! And M/C, I know this is sudden, but if you ever need someone to hear you out, I'll do it. I want to be of some help just like you were with me." Mark tells, giving you one of his business smiles. 

"I'll keep that in mind thanks," you say callously, still thinking of Zen. 

"Hey, M/C, I've been wanting to ask you for a while.....do you want to go watch a concert with me? This famous piano player is coming to the city, and you're the only person I know who enjoys classical music. What do you say? I promise it'll be fun," Mark says as he gently reaches for you hands and holds them, looking up at you with eyes that made you retract your hand from his grip. 

"Uh...well," you begin. You couldn't. It would be rude to Zen, to have him come home to an empty house- wait. As if you hadn't come home to the house empty before. It wouldn't kill him to experience what you had been going through for a month or so. You figured you'd might as well go to avoid seeing him ignore you like always. Going home? Now, you wouldn't have to, "Okay. I'll go," you reply as you give him a smile. 

"Great! It's tomorrow at 8pm, I can pick you up?..." 

"Uahh, actually, well, alright," you debate with yourself, wondering what you'd do if Zen just so happened to come home early to find you all dressed up, getting ready to go with some man he's never met before. 

"Wonderful. I'll see you then," he says, reaching for your hand again, and giving it a soft kiss. 

Your cheeks redden, as you pull back your hand swiftly. You turn around and walk to the kitchen to leave his order. 

When was the last time someone made you blush? You couldn't help but feel you were doing something wrong. But you weren't. You weren't. Of course not. You were only going out with a friend to a concert. You were finally leaving that empty house to do something to pass the time that dragged on slowly without zens presence. 

Nothing wrong at all.


	2. Slipping Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No communication became a thing in your lives. You refused to accept Zen's efforts. And he was only trying to fix it. But you don't let him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second part yaaa. I'm not done with the last part yet so that'll probably be done tomorrow or something. I hope you all like it even if it's just a bit. Leave comments! (plz I'm so lonely. College life is so boring).

You came home from work at around 6:30pm, tired as you had filled in for someone else who happened to be out of town for the week. 

Again, you came home to an empty house. Left the same as it was when you left in the morning. You walk into the kitchen to pour yourself some orange juice and sit down on the chair. You begin to contemplate whether or not you really wanted to go with Mark. 

You didn't, because a part of you knew it wouldn't be appropriate to hang around other men while your lover was working. It almost sounded like a cliche telenovela. But the other part of you wanted to go. To get out of this lonely apartment. To enjoy the company of another person. To feel like you're not being ignored. What your relationship lacked in, would be replenished by the attention Mark had been giving you. It was just a concert. Nothing more. Just company. Nothing more-

Your thoughts are interrupted when you hear the front door open. You glance at the clock and see it was only 7pm. Was Zen back so early already? 

"I'm home!!!!" Zen yells from the hallway as he walks to the kitchen. 

"What're you doing back so early? I thought for sure you'd be busy with the deadline for the movie coming soon," you reply, standing up and walking towards him. You still felt hurt from earlier, but didn't want to show it, seeing as Zen had completely forgotten about it. 

"Yeah well, someone thought it would be funny to bring in skunks and let them loose; you can tell what happened next," Zen chuckled as he gave you a kiss on the forehead. 

You stand, surprised and oddly enough, slightly annoyed at his composure, "I just came back from work so I haven't made anything, sorry," you say as you walk to your room. 

"That's alright, I'll cook myself some ramen," Zen says as he walks to the kitchen, not noticing you leave. 

"So about my schedule, I thin-" Zen begins, but you interrupt, not wanting to force him to talk to you about his day. You didn't want to be more of a burden than what you already were. Just thinking about it hurt your heart, hurt to know someone you loved thought that way of you. 

"Zen, you know, you don't have to force yourself. I understand, eat and get some rest okay? You deserve it. I have to go fix the rest of the laundry," you reply as you stand at the entrance of your bedroom. 

Zen, not entirely paying attention, replies, "alright, thank you M/C, I love you," while grinning too. Completely oblivious to your outward rejection. 

"Yeah I love you too," you grunt under your breath as you close the door. 

You forget about the laundry and get into bed, tired and excited to meet with Mark the next day. You closed your eyes, wondering what you were going to wear, how you were going to style your hair, makeup; you hadn't fixed yourself that nicely in a long time. It had been a long time since Zen had taken you out somewhere. 

You drift off to sleep quickly, slightly waking up a few hours later to Zen shuffling himself into bed, wrapping his arms around you. 

You only remember feeling slightly annoyed. 

 

The next day after work, you rushed to your home, already anticipating Mark's arrival. He hadn't gone to the cafe that day, but he had left a message for you, saying he'd pick you up at 8 and couldn't wait to see you. 

As you enter your home, you toss your stuff aside and rush to get ready. You opted for a classic black dress that nicely hugged your figure. It was of decent length, and you had black heels to match it. You figured you should go with a natural makeup look, applying some red lip tint to your lips to add more of a cute vibe. You allowed your hair to lavish in slight curls. You looked in the mirror and smiled at yourself. You hadn't felt this beautiful in a while. Zen would always tell you that you were gorgeous in any way, but he hadn't said that recently so you had been feeling unattractive. 

You glance up at the clock and see that there was still an hour left till Mark arrived. You figured you'd watch some movie to pass the time, until you heard the door open. And you froze. You hadn't anticipated Zen to arrive early again. To have him come home early two days in a row was completely off. 

"M/C?.....Wow, you look gorgeous," Zen marveled as he walked towards you to lean in for a kiss. 

You didn't kiss back, simply let him kiss you and said, "welcome home" without any clear excitement. 

"What's the occasion?" Zen asked as he greedily wrapped his hands around your waist. 

Was he actually initiating contact with you now? 

Again, slightly annoyed. 

"I'm going out with a friend from work tonight. Figured I needed to get out a little more," You reply as you break from his embrace, grabbing your purse and placing a quick kiss on his cheek. 

You didn't want to come off as rude or negligent, but didn't want to indulge him in your love; he probably thought you'd go back to the way things were, you clinging to him once he got home, initiating sexual contact, etc. but not now. You wanted to leave. 

"What? Oh, ah that's great...I think? I was just sort of hoping we could spend time together. You know, since I came home early. And well, I was thinking about how we haven't spent much time together," zen slowly says as he attempted walking towards. 

"Time together? Oh well, I didn't know you'd be home early today. Maybe some other time though. Sorry, I have to go now. Bye Zen!" You say as you rush out the door, not wanting to stay there any longer. 

You were bitter. Bitter that he was only now paying attention to you now that you had finally found someone who was giving you the attention he couldn't. It was almost as if he knew, but obviously he didn't. You were angry and hurt and wanted him to know, but decided you weren't going to show it to him in any other form than silent rejection, making him notice little by little that he was wrong. 

You then received a phone call from Mark saying he had arrived a bit earlier than planned and you said it was alright. You made your way to the parking lot and got into his car. 

"Wow, you're gorgeous," Mark said as he stared at you with awe. 

You shyly laugh and thank him. You felt nice receiving compliments from someone other than Zen. At the rate your relationship was going, you felt he was almost impulsively complimenting you simply bc he felt obligated to. 

You both arrive, and enjoy the concert, and your completely into it until you feel Marks hand land on yours slightly. You slowly look up and see him giving you a warm smile, and squeezes your hand softly. 

You feel heat radiate through you as you allow him to hold your hand. You couldn't concentrate anymore. 

When he dropped you off, he got out of the car with you and commented on how he enjoyed himself. 

"I had fun with you M/C. I hope you did too," he says, with a hopeful smile. 

"Yeah, I did. Thank you. I haven't had this much fun in a while," you admit as you return his smile. 

"Would you, would you like to go out again some other time?" He asks, almost stuttering from fear of rejection

You contemplate on it and impulsively say "yes, I would," giving him a bigger smile and looking down. 

"Wow," you hear him say. 

"What?" You quickly ask, wondering if you've said something wrong. 

"It's just, you're so beautiful," he says and he leans in closer, taking your chin. 

You stop breathing and look up at him. His eyes are staring at you with intensity. You can't help but want to break away, but stay, feeling drawn to him. 

The next moment, his lips are on you and you feel yourself kiss him back. 

When he breaks the kiss, he caresses your cheek and says he'd see you later. 

As he drives away, you stand there dumbfounded. You couldn't return your lovers kiss earlier today, but did not hesitate to kiss Mark back. You felt a pang of guilt but it soon dissipated when you remembered Zen hadn't been giving you the attention you craved for. And now, as if nothing, he wanted to be so caring again. 

You make your way to your apartment and find Zen on the couch watching tv. It was 1am already. 

"M/C! I was getting worried and wondered if I should call, but you're here now. How was it?" Zen asks, standing up and gazing at you with the eyes you came to love so dearly. 

"Fantastic" you reply. You make your way to your room and change, ridding of the makeup and snuggle in bed. 

Zen comes in a few minutes later and snuggles close to you. You lay stiff, like a dead body, not even noticing his presence. All you could think about was Mark. Soon enough, you feel Zen's hands make their way to your inner thighs and jolt. 

"Zen!" You exclaim, removing his hand from you. 

"But-Don't you want to?" He asks, giving you a confused look. 

"No...not right now I'm tired. Sorry," you say as you turn over, your back facing him, and close your eyes. You ignore Zen's presence again, and drift off to sleep, with Mark on your mind this time. 

 

It had been two months already since you last went out with Mark and you still were. Almost every day, he'd be taking you somewhere like the amusement park, aquarium, etc. and in those two months, you had been rejecting Zen's advances. His work load had decreased miraculously but far too late, in your opinion. You had sought comfort somewhere else. And it was harmless really. 

You had noticed Zen become more curious in your whereabouts, he had constantly been trying to make love to you, to kiss you, but he was either greeted with rejection and no reaction at all. You can tell it hurt him, but he naively brushed it off, thinking you were tired from work. Again, slightly annoying that he wouldn't realize you were doing it bc you were mad at him. It was to the point where you no longer attempted to converse with him or approach him at all. To you, he had become a background object of which you paid no attention to. And he felt it. He felt loneliness. He felt hurt and wondered what was going on with you. You didn't pay much attention to it. You were enjoying your time with Mark. You weren't doing anything wrong. 

Until one day; the day you and Mark had sex. 

It was after a trip to the botanical gardens. The day was warm, slightly windy, perfect. You had been wearing a white off the shoulder dress that gave you almost an "angelic look" as Mark had said. 

As you both treated on, the sprinkles came on, causing you both to shout and laugh, running from the sprinklers and ending up soaked from failing to escape. 

"Oh man, look at us," Mark says as he turn to you, only to quickly avert his gaze. 

"....what's wrong?" You ask as you laugh? Trying to flick the water off you. You look down and see that the nipples on your breast had perked, and were visible through the wet fabric. 

Well shit. 

"Oh I'm so sorry," you yelp as your hug your chest, trying to hide it. 

"It's okay it's okay!!" Mark claims frantically, "here, lets go to a nearby hotel and clean ourselves up." 

You both book a room and manage to dry your clothes. While waiting, you wrap yourself with a blanket, sitting on the bed. 

Mark comes in and sits on the opposite side. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to have it turn out like this," he says as he played with his fingers nervously. 

"It's alright, I had fun," you reply back

"M/C......I, I've been having fun these past two months with you....and I can't really hold it in anymore..." Mark says hesitantly. 

You look up curiously after hearing his words and find him standing in front of you already, his cheeks blushing profoundly. You suddenly get the gist of it and realize what he's about to do. You stand up and can't find it in you to turn away from his touch. He kissed you and you kissed back. 

Soon enough, you were both naked, on the bed, touching each other's bodies and making love to one another. You only indulged in pleasure, and didn't even remember Zen. 

When you were both finished, all you could think about was Zen. You had cheated on him. And yet you didn't feel much guilt. Mark had his arms wrapped around you and you felt.....happy. But what you felt for him wasn't what you felt for Zen. You loved Zen. But you cheated on him and didn't feel guilt. You felt anger. You had felt so abandoned and lonely and resorted to this. You hated yourself. But you knew that if the chance permitted it, you'd do it again. You were bitter and petty. And you wanted to do this bc it was thrilling, knowing Zen was probably at home wondering where you were. And you felt hurt. By yourself. What you did had no excuse but you didn't care because you were angry. You were letting your anger control you. 

You went home soon after, and when you arrived, you found Zen sleeping on the couch. It was 9pm and you had come back earlier than usual. You shake him and tell him to go to bed if he was going to sleep. 

"Mmh....M/C... come with me," zen groggily says, reaching for your hand. 

You pull back, "no I'm going to watch tv for a hike. You go on ahead. I'm not tired."

Zen gets up and walks to his room silently, turning back and looking at you with a hurt expression. You didn't notice. You were too engrossed into the movie. 

 

A few weeks later, you find yourself at a bakery with Mark, one that he had recommended. He took you out in the early afternoon--earlier than usual. Unbeknownst to you, zen had arrived home earlier because the filming had been correctly done on the first take, not requiring any further time. 

The bakery was found 5 minutes from home, and you were with Mark waiting to receive your order. To pass the time, Mark had been cracking jokes about how he was a nerdy kid when he was younger. Amidst your laughter, you here someone call your name out; you ignore it, believing someone near you just happened to have the same name as you and it was meant for them. But as you turn around to casually glance all while still laughing at Mark's jokes, you realize Zen is right behind you. 

"Oh hey Zen," you casually let out, while still recovering from your laughter. Despite having encountered your lover who has caught you with a man your cheating on with, you don't find yourself shocked or alarmed. At this point, you've grown not to care. 

His eyes are alarmed, suspicious even, bewildered at seeing you at a bakery--the kind of place you both frequented--with a man he has never seen before. He stares at you for a while before gathering the courage to speak. 

"M/C, what are you doing here? Who is he?" He says slowly in a voice full of evident anger. 

Mark speaks up, asking you, "M/C, do you know him?" as he places his hand on your shoulder. 

The first words in Zen's head to pop up are "what the fuck". He watches as Mark places his hands on your shoulder, holding you close. 

"Nope, it's no one important," you say, turning back to Mark, "our order is ready." 

And that was that. You and Mark leave Zen, just standing there. Not knowing what he's thinking. You find yourself relieved he found out. Afraid of what's to occur when you get home. But you feel annoyed. Just slightly. It what you've been feeling for the past few months. A feeling that won't leave. And you don't know why. 

That same day, you and Mark end up spending the afternoon at his home, engaging in sexual activities and forgetting what occurred at the bakery. 

You come later in the night, to find Zen waiting for you on the couch. 

"We have to talk," he demands in a grave voice. 

"Oh? What about?" You jest as you put your things down. 

"Who was that man?" He asks sternly, turning to face you, eyes slightly red. Evident he had been crying. That was new. 

"A friend. Need I say more? Why are you getting so worked up for?" You claim, feeling annoyed all over again. 

"A friend? Since when are you friends with a man who I've never seen before? A man who you'd rather much spend time time than with me? Since when M/C? When?!" Zen shouts, frightening you a bit. 

"The question here should be, since when do you care? You're so engrossed in your god damn job you don't pay attention to me. You ignore me, and then assume it's all okay. Your pretty face isn't going to work all the time! You need to stop being so fucking self centered Zen! I have friends too, and I'm not going to stay here all day waiting for you to come home. I've done enough of that," You yell, feeling the tears form in your eyes. 

Clearly, your words hurt Zen, as he pulls you in closer, bringing you into his embrace, placing kisses on top of your head, repeating the same words over and over again, "I'm sorry." 

"Sorry isn't going to change what I've been feeling these past few months Zen," you say, past your crying. 

"I know I know but please, I can't do anything about it. You know that, but lately I've had more free time, so we can spend more time together M/C! Please, look now, we can be around each other more like we used to!" 

The hope in Zens voice almost makes your heart leap; this is what you wanted. You wanted Zen to focus on you again, to make an effort. And now he was. But you weren't convinced. You weren't happy. You felt petty. You felt angry at the loneliness Zen left you in for a long time. And all you could manage to feel in general was the strong desire to hurt him the way he hurt you. 

"No! It's so easy for you to go on and on about how we can go back because you weren't the one hurting. I was! God just leave me alone Zen!" You yell as you push him off, running to your room

Zen stays standing there in the living room, feeling despair as he questions himself. He thought you'd be happy. He thought you both would go back to the way it used to be. Maybe he was being naive. His thoughts were filled with you. You never once left his mind. Those past months were torture to him. But he did it for you. He did it to make a decent earning to put food to the table, to stop you from working. Because to him, you were his princess. And he admits to himself, yes he had been rude and distant from you; but his energy had been drained, enough to remove all kinds of emotional responses. But he remained hopeful. He knew you loved him as much as he loved you. He just figured it would take some time to earn your forgiveness and soon, everything would be fine again. Yes, yes it'll be fine. He remained hopeful for you. He would fight for you.


	3. Mutual Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will you achieve your happy ending?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo!! The last part. It's very long and I'm sorry BUT, at the end, I sort of wrote it in a different way, idk how it's called, 'narrative? Idk. My fav part is the last part. I hope you enjoy!

Your intimate relationship with Mark continued for well over a month; during that month, you figured you wanted to move out. You didn't want to be around Zen any longer. You no longer paid any attention to him, living with him was only playing with your guilt, reminding you of what you were doing. It was worse now that he was actually making an effort to spend time with you. You hated yourself for rejecting him when you knew he was trying. But something in you was being despicable. Despicable, but you loved him. So much. And you had to leave. Because you weren't good to him. You were hurting him. He couldn't love you if he knew what you were doing behind his back. 

When you first mentioned it, Zen froze. He stared at you with wide eyes as if you had just told him you murdered someone. You would later find out that you practically would in a metaphorical sense, Zen being the victim. 

It was a Thursday night. You didn't have any plans with Mark so you stayed home, packing. 

"Zen, you don't have to worry about having to wait up for me any more or anything of that sort. I'm moving out soon," you say out of the blue as you walk by the kitchen where he was serving himself food. 

All you hear is a crash from the plate he dropped and he quietly gasps, "what?" 

"I'm moving out," you repeat as you grab a suitcase from the closet in the hallway. 

Zen starts stuttering, attempting to find his words, "Wait wait wait what? Wait M/C..what the fuck? Moving out? What are you talking about?" 

You stop your movement and directly stare at him, "I'm leaving you, Zen"

Zen did not respond immediately. Your words crushed him, he didn't even know how to respond at all. He had noticed you acting distant over the past several weeks, but didn't think your love for him had dissipated or anything. It was something that you both would work out, not just abandon. 

Zen had been trying his best the past few weeks to try to win you over again. He had started bringing roses, surprising you with your favorite food, and much more. But to no avail. He thought he needed to try just a bit more. But he didn't believe it would come to this. You leaving him. You couldn't leave him. He loved you and would do anything for you. 

"No.....no no no no, M/C you can't leave me..." zen says in a hurt whisper. He's staring at you with sadness, his heart being torn out. 

"I've made my decision. Stop interfering. I don't want to be with you any longer," you say, making it clear to voice your opinion loud and clear. 

A long pause followed you, Zen not saying anything, except staring at you. His head is facing the floor until he suddenly jerks up, staring at you with realization and anger. A minute later, you see him make his way towards you, grabbing your arm tightly, "are you cheating on me?" He says in a low, dark tone. 

And you unraveled. You could no longer contain it and told him everything all in a fit of rage. 

"Yes, I am,"

"With who?! With that asshole from the bakery isn't it?!" Zen yells, gripping your arm tighter, "I'm going to kill that bastard, why would you do this?!"

"Let me go zen! Leave us alone," you say, ripping your arm from him, "leave me alone. Leave him alone. And just disappear from my life. I don't want you anymore." 

All you see on the day you leave, is a disheveled Zen. Crying uncontrollably, begging you to stay, saying he'd forgive your infidelity. But you didn't stay. 

 

6 months had passed since then.   
The last you heard of Zen was around 2 months ago. He had tried contacting you numerous times, to the point you had to change your phone number. 

The day you left, you ended your relationship with Mark. He had proposed to you that day. To which you rejected, because you didn't love him. You wanted to marry Zen. You loved Zen. And you left because if was for his well being. You had hurt him. And you were running away from it. 

You came clean to Mark, admitted that you never loved him. He was an emotional outlet that you used to forget about Zen. 

The hurt in his eyes engraved in your memory. But the sight of Zen was worse. It pained you.   
You were despicable. You had left because you let your anger control you. And you missed him so much. But you couldn't go back. By now, he must have found someone else. Or at most, managed to move on. And you couldn't interfere with that. 

Throughout those 6 months, you quit your job as a waitress and found a job at a pet store. You always loved animals and enjoyed your new job. It was a decent pay, enough to sustain your life in a small apartment. It was a lonely life without Zen. You didn't even crave the touch or warmth of another man other than Zen. But you couldn't go back. He hates you. He should. To cope with the pain, you got yourself a small dog, a beautiful fluffy Pomeranian. To which you bestowed upon the name of none other than the love of your life, Zen. There wasn't a day in those 6 months in which you didn't fall asleep crying at your mistakes. But your dog comforted you at some level. At first you wanted a cat, but knew how much Zen hated them and if he were to ever find out, he'd be angry. The thought made you laugh, until you realized he would never find out because he was gone from your life. 

 

It was a breezy fall day when you happened to run into one of Zen's acquaintances from a previous film. When he saw you, he immediately called out to you, fast walking to greet you. 

"Hey M/C! How've you been?" the man greeted, with a handshake. 

"Well I'm getting by I suppose," you reply with a forced smile. You felt sadness envelope you all over again, remembering Zen. 

"I see. Ahh well I sort of wanted to ask you something..." he says, scratching the back of his head. 

"What is it?" You asked, curious as to what he had to say to you. You had rarely talked to him whenever you were with Zen. 

"Have you talked to Zen recently?" He blurts out. 

The mention of Zens name makes you freeze, your small smile disappearing. You look down in shame and whisper out, "no. I haven't." 

 

The man stayed silent before speaking up again, looking at you with concern, "Look, I don't know what happened between you, but can you talk with him? He hasn't come to work in over 5 months. Nothing. He doesn't answer our calls, or even notify. I have a key to his apartment back from when he was a beginning actor so I've been able to visit him to at least see if he's well; and he is, but I don't even know if you can call it that."

You stand there shocked at what you hear, Zen hasn't gone to work at all? He was so into his job and now, nothing. The mans last words ring in your head, well but not well? You didn't get it. 

"Wait, what do you mean? Is there something wrong with him?" You ask, worried he was sick. 

"M/C, he hasn't left the house in those 6 months. He doesn't come out of his room, nothing. When I visited him the first time, he hadn't eaten anything properly in a week. I've been bringing him groceries but that's not enough. He's hurt. He's not okay. I can't judge any of you in terms of why the relationship ended, but he loves you. He still does. And I can tell you do too. You need to talk to him. Not to get him back to work, but to improve his health. I'm surprised he's not dead yet."

You start to tear up at the thought of visiting him to only be rejected. 

"I can't....I'm sorry I can't..." you cry out wanting to vent and doing so to him, "I've hurt him, I was cruel and I don't deserve to see him. I can't help him if I'm the one hurting him. I can't. I was so cruel, he tried to fix us and I didn't let him. I was so angry, I hurt him and didn't want to think about us anymore. It hurt to think that I wasn't needed or wanted. He was too busy to pay attention to me. But I should've stayed strong, I should've known he'd be trying his best to make time for me but I didn't. I gave in to my loneliness. He won't want to see me; he hates me by now..." you try speaking as you cry, incoherently stringing your words together to make sense. 

"But you love him," Zen's friend says, "and he loves you M/C. Isn't that enough? From what you're telling me, you were hurt and he didn't notice it. But he tried fixing it once he realized his error. Both of you are in the wrong, so there's no reason to believe he should hate you without hearing you out when he himself needs to explain his side. You both need to talk it out. Miscommunication hurt you both. M/C.....the times I've gone to see him, he doesn't speak much. All he does is hug a pillow, while staring at a framed photo of you. Crying. That's all. Crying. And when he speaks, all he talks about is how much he misses you. He keeps asking me why you left. He keeps apologizing..... He's not going to reject you. He loves you too much. Talk with him please. Don't run away any more. Please," the man begs you as you realize you need to see him. 

You need to see the man you love. It's been 6 long months of torture. You needed to see him again. 

"Take me to him. I'll go," you say, wiping your tears away. 

"Thank you M/C," he says, letting out a sigh of relief as he accompanies you to Zen's apartment. 

 

When you open the apartment door, you notice that everything has been left, exactly the same way as it was 6 months ago. His shoes, the shirt you had forgotten on the couch, the remote control where you had last left it. Everything. The sight hurt you and you wanted to rush to Zen, to tell him everything was going to be alright. But you couldn't. You didn't know how he'd react if he saw you. 

zen's friend gestured to the room, the door slightly open, but not enough to have a fair peek into the room. 

You take a deep breath and slowly enter, the door betraying your intentions and making a cringe worthy squeaking noise. 

Fortunately for you, Zen is asleep, hugging a pillow. You kneel down near the bed, watching Zen sleep. His eyes are puffy, red around. His face looks undoubtedly slimmer, dark bags under his eyes. And he was clutching the pillow. A little too tight. Eyebrows furrowing. You wanted to kiss him all over, to take away all the pain he had been feeling. But you couldn't. You'd taint him with your infidelity, your disgusting essence. You begin to silently cry, angry at yourself. You had been a fool and an idiot. You didn't deserve someone like him, someone who was kind, loving, a wonderful being. You couldn't bring yourself to understand why you would have done something like that to him. Why you had cheated on him. The you now, the you in the present wouldn't have done it. Because you grown in just the past 6 months. You had reflected. And you told yourself that is what mattered. That despite your mistakes in the past, you had grown and learned. And you didn't want those mistakes to weigh on you now. Not anymore. You wanted closure. And that was why you were here, kneeling on the floor, ready to beg Zen for forgiveness. You didn't care whether he was going to take you back or not, what you wanted there to be was a conversation that allowed both sides to speak, to tell both sides of the story. And to in the end, reach a conclusion of what their future would hold. 

You reach your hand out, and caress his cheek, slim, had lost its little plump. You rub your thumb over his soft skin, and quietly whisper his name out, hoping to wake him up without startling him. And then he begins talking in his sleep. And starts crying, apologizing to you and saying he loved you so much. The sight of it only made you cry harder. Your cries awoke him; as he blinked softly, he stared at your face and said your name hesitantly, "M/C?...". 

You nod your head, trying to hold back the rest of your tears. "Yes baby it's me," 

Zen by now, quickly lifts himself up and swiftly rubs his eyes, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. In front of him lay the love of his life, kneeling, crying, and staring back at him. 

"M/C!!" Zen yells as he throws himself onto you, crying, incoherently speaking as he cried out, you only being able to capture the words, "love", "sorry", and "why". 

You found yourself clinging to him, crying and yelling how sorry you were and how much you loved him and that you regretted the choices you made and so much more. He couldn't stop apologizing to you, until you told him to stop bc it wasn't his fault but yours. The next few minutes you both laid there, crying decreasing, but still clinging to one another. 

Zen was a mess, looked drained of life. Hurt. And he broke the silence with words that stung, "why did you leave me?" said, in a hushed voice. 

"Because I was an idiot. I was petty and angry and stupid. I left bc I was angry that I let myself do things to you that weren't very nice. Angry that I was still so bitter towards you despite you trying to fix our problems. Afraid to be near you bc of what I was doing behind your back. Everything. I didn't deserve you. But I'm back. Bc I've grown. And I've learned. I'm back bc i love you so much. But only, if you're willing to let me come back," you spill as you pull apart from him, looking in his eyes for a sign of hope. 

"I hurt you. That's why you left. I wasn't fulfilling my duties as a boyfriend, please forgive me. I wasn't a good person to you," he cries into you. 

"No no no it wasn't your fault!! Don't blame yourself, I let myself be led by loneliness and anger and I chose to do those things. It was I who decided which path to take. Don't blame yourself. It was me. All me," you try to convince Zen to no longer blame himself. He had suffered too much because of you. 

"M/C, please come back, I promise I'll change, I'll make you happy, please," Zen pleaded, noticing your ambivalence. 

"Zen, would you forgive me? I can't come back if you won't forgive him. But please don't forgive me so easily. I did you wrong." 

"M/C, we both were in the wrong. We both hurt each other and didn't acknowledge it. We weren't talking anymore because of my fault. And in the end, you let yourself get involved with a another man. We both did wrong. And yes, it hurt me what you did. But I will not dwell on past mistakes. I want to look forward. And in my future, I see no one other than you M/C. I hope it's the same for you," Zen confesses as he caresses your cheek. 

You start crying all over again and tell him that you love him more than anything and anyone and that you'll try your best to become an even better person. You both float on a cloud of forgiveness, love, and hope; you promise each other to talk your problems out and to not allow silence to interfere again. You promise yourself that you'll never give in to temptation or your evil thoughts. Zen promises himself that even if his schedule becomes heavier, he will always make room for you no matter what and that you'll both work it out. You make many promises that you both know will come across obstacles. But that's okay, because together you both will overcome them, hand in hand. 

 

About a week after seeing Zen again, you both take the steps to rebuilding your relationship. It wasn't going to be easy to go back to the way it was. But you both knew you loved each other and wanted to work it out. You helped Zen get healthier again, he started working it with small productions first. 

you both decided to live together once more after a few months had passed. 

Zen he stopped by your house to help you pack up, and you had seemingly forgotten to mention you had a dog at all. 

As Zen knocks on your door, he's greeted with barks, taken aback as he didn't know about the dog at all. 

You open the door and greet him, "hey Zen!", giving him a kiss. You let him inside and before he can ask what the barking was about, he spots a Pomeranian on the couch, wagging its tail at him. 

"M/C.....what is that?..." he asks cautiously. 

"Yeah......uh well I sort of kind of forgot to mention, I got a dog a while after we broke it off. He became my support and comfort...sorry..." you shyly let out, silently praying he wouldn't ask for the dogs name. 

"I see....what's it's name?" He asks, almost has if he heard your pleas. 

SHIT, you THINK to yourself as you look down at the floor blushing, "....zen.." you mumble hoping he couldn't hear you. 

"What?" zen asks curiously. 

You take a deep breath, "zen...." you let out, flustered. 

Zen does not reply back, only stares back at you, redness appearing over his face, "oh...." is all he responds. 

He gets up from the couch where he had settled himself to let the dog, and walks towards you. He kisses you and hugs you, saying that he wouldn't make you get rid of the dog and that he was happy you had chosen his name for the dog. And then he joked about how he'll get confused often now whenever you call out his name since the dog will reply as well. You joke about how you'll call the dog, "Zenny" instead only to be teasingly ignored by Zen, who was jealous the dog was getting a more loving nickname. 

And once you move in with him, your life resumes, with one more member to your small family. You both come across more obstacles, but it's no longer as scary and difficult as before because now you both put in effort to find a solution. You both have learned to become patient (with the help of your dog who happened to love to hide things) and you both learned that the best you, you could be, is with each other. 

And what was frightening at times, was that the bad thoughts would come back often, the feeling of loneliness and doubt but there was never a time when Zen would not notice; and when he did, he wouldn't hesitate to remind you how important you were to him. Sure there were days where he couldn't come home early, but on those days, he would make sure to attach small sticky notes around the house in places he knew you'd look. And he always attached a rose to Zenny, so that you'd be reminded that he was there to comfort you until he himself could come home. 

And after being together and coming across so many difficult situations, you realized you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. You had been together for 6 years and wanted to spend more. And one day, he took you and Zenny to a beautiful grape farm (of which you later realized was Jumin's and had let you both go for a special occasion). While waking in the bright green grass, he started listing off all the things he loved about you, and the memories you both had. He included all the problems you both came across but emphasized on how you both overcame them. He almost started crying when he mentioned that no matter how many times you fall, he'll pick you up and would love it if you were to do the same (to which you nodded and agreed). He stopped to look at you and got on one knee, and pulled out the most beautiful ring you ever laid eyes on. It resembled the ring he had given you the first time you met, but it was of greater meaning now. He cried as you threw yourself onto him and yelled "yes" countless of times. Almost as if he knew, Zenny began running in circles, jumping at you both and licking your faces. 

And as you walked down the aisle, Zen was all you could see. Handsome, staring at you with such love that you wanted to grab his hand and get out of there with him. But you didn't, because you wanted to hear him say "I do" and you wanted to say it back. And as you gave each other the first kiss as husband and wife, you could hear him whisper he loves you into your ear. 

And as the weeks went by, you realize you're pregnant and you wait for your husband to come home. And you blush at the word "husband" because you still can't believe you're married. And when he comes home, you tell him and he begins to cry, hugging you, already coming up with names for the baby, already pulling your hand at 12 am to go shopping for baby clothes. 

And when 9 months pass, you bring into the world, a beautiful baby boy who resembles Zen and you. Zen holds his son, crying, happy to have had such a beautiful boy with such a beautiful woman. And your life begins to seem brighter than ever. 

And when the years go, and the day comes where you begin to feel sick, you are told by the doctors that you have cancer and you don't think of anything else but what pain it will bring your family. And when you tell Zen what you have been diagnosed with, he cries for you. He cries with you. And he tells you that he'll be with you every step of the way, to recovery. But as the days begin to seem bleaker, and you become weaker, you begin to lose hope. Except for Zen, who never fails to make you laugh at his jokes. He doesn't leave your side, and your son doesn't seem to mind having to spend all his time at the hospital. He's only 6, but he knows how much his father loves you, and doesn't want to intervene. And when the day comes where your heart beat starts rapidly decreasing, Zen begins yelling, screaming for someone to help, shaking, afraid to lose you. Your son, holding onto your husband, crying for you to wake up and be healthy again. 

And when you finally wake up, finding you had just barely escaped death, you cry. You cry because you would have left this world without saying goodbye. And Zen throws himself into you, almost smothering you and your weak bones, but you don't care, you were afraid of losing the people you loved the most. 

And as a few years pass, you are surprised by your doctor who congratulates you, telling you that you are cancer free; that you had won the battle against it. And you remember both your husband and son (and Zenny), running towards you from the waiting room, crying with joy at being able to a healthy strong family again. 

And you live your life in bliss. Your son, growing into a young man who was more than you could have ever hoped for. And your husband, Zen, still loving to this day, bringing you a rose every single day, as a proof of his never ending love. 

And you cry because despite your past mistakes, doubts, warped feelings, you were still loved back. You had been a completely cruel person, and may have warped his heart along with yours. But, you have warmth in your heart too, you have it too. It's definitely there. Always thinking of your love, Zen.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a 3 part series. Or 3 Chapters idk lol. I know it's not well written but I came up with this idea while I was listening to Skinny Love by Birdy and figured that it was a story about two people who love each other but miscommunication and all that get in the way and lead to disaster. and trust me, in my head it was much better. Originally, it was Yoosung, but I decided to switch it up a bit and went with Zen who's such a loving person. I hope you enjoy. The rest will be uploaded soon.  
> I


End file.
